34 Weeks - Bend ... and SNAP!

Hi Everyone!

     Happy Labor Day!  .... if only the LABOR in this case was in reference to our little man coming out early!!!  ahhh, a girl can dream, can't she?  I keep hoping that he will come out a week or two early, and there are two reasons why.  First, I am CONVINCED that this guy is going to be huge.  My doctor says he's measuring "right on track" to be a 7-8lb baby, (insert eye rolling <here>), but I just don't believe her.  I can feel myself growing by the minute, practically.  Plus, Dave was a big baby with a giant head, so if there is any chance that he will take after his daddy, then I would like to cut the 'baking' period a bit short.  I like my steak medium-rare, so why not my little babe, too?

The second reason why I'd love for him to come out a little early, is because it's getting a sort-of ... uncomfortable around here. It's becoming more and more difficult to find a comfortable position to lay in, and I feel like Bob is stomping all over my internal organs anytime I shift from one side to the other.  I am also finding it harder to get around.  Dave has to rent a commercial grade crane in order to help me out of a seated position.

The problem, is that in my mind, I still feel as swift and agile as I used to be pre-giant-preggo-bump.  So, I have it in my head that I can do things a certain way, but when I go to actually accomplish these plans, reality is proving to be quite different! 

Take, for instance, picking something up off the floor.  Sure, no big deal.  Just bend over and pick it up. Everyone have visions of the "Bend-and-Snap"?? .... "Just beeeenndddd ..... and SNAP!" Exactly! But, ohhhhh no ... Bob has other plans for me.  Bending is becoming a virtually non-existant move for me, and snap? You've got to be crazy.  In leiu of being able to perform typical human movements, I have been working hard to perfect three different ways of picking things up off the floor:

1 ~ The Squatter ~ this move is the go-to, and consists of me separating my feet/legs as far out to the sides as possible, and lowering at the knee into a Sumo-wrestler-like position.  Once I have a solid balancing foundation, I slowly lower down, down, down, and reach for the object.  The kicker here, is that I am usually left patting the ground all over, feeling blindly for the object, because if I lower and attempt to look down at the same time, I risk toppling over like a very drunken Sumo wrestler.

2 ~ The Belly Swing ~ this move begins similarly to The Squatter, with me separating my feet apart.  In this case, however, I am separating them so that I can have room to swing my belly down.  I usually have to hold onto something sturdy with one hand, and then I bend at the waist, situating my belly in between my crotch, while I grab quickly for the item!  (Without separating the legs, my big 'ole belly jams into my thighs, and Bob does NOT like that!!!!) Hey ... it 'ain't pretty, but it works!

3 ~ The 'Take a Load Off' ~ this is not my favorite, but in certain circumstances, is my only option.  This move consists of me collapsing to the ground (there's no graceful way to lower myself down to the floor anymore) and picking up the item.  The challenge with this move is figuring out a way to get back up! 

It's amazing to me how this once-athlete is not agile enough to even pick up something off the ground in a graceful manner.  Here are some other things I can no longer do well:

                                    * Glory Day Moves I Can No Longer Do*
~ Put Socks On ~ first, the idea of being able to actually put socks/shoes on from a standing position is out of the question.  I try to still do this by lasoo-ing the sock onto my toes, but usually end up toppling over.  I have to rely on The 'Take a Load Off' move mentioned above.

~ Painting My Toenails ~ this usually ends up in me making a mess.  I manage to almost do this by sitting on the couch and putting my foot up on the coffee table, but Bob kicks me angrily the more I try to reach my toes.  My recent attempts at painting my toes look like a 3-year-old enjoying a good fingerpainting session!

~ Blow Dry My Hair Upsidedown ~ the women reading this are familiar with this move.  Hang your head upsidedown and blow dry to generate more volume.  I begin to lose my balance, and get very lightheaded doing this move.  Now I'm stuck with flat hair!

~ Shaving My Legs ~ okay okay, I have an out on this one .... our WONDERFUL shower has two spa seats that fold down from the wall, so I am able to sit on the seats to shave my legs.  ahhhh wonderful (ahem ... someone buy our house, please!!) Anyway ... I would NOT be able to shave my legs without these seats! How do other women do this?

~ Take a Deep Breath ~ I haven't enjoyed a full breath in months.  I loose my breath when I present at work, have a conversation that requires me to speak more than one-word answers, or move in any way faster than a sloth's pace.

~ See Anything Between Isabelly and My Knees ~ ok ... this might be too much information ... but it's the truth and that is what this blog is all about.  I can't see anything ... south of the equator.  I have a theory about this, though ... I think god makes preggos have a big belly while pregnant so that they DON'T have to witness what will be going on 'down there' ... helps alleviate the anxiety :)

I could go ON AND ON with this list, but there are a few to give you an idea of why I am encouraging Bob to make his debut a bit early.  We're all ready!! (our nursery is another story .... but soon, I promise!)

This week, Bob is the size of a "large cantaloupe".  I don't know why they feel the need to put the adjective "LARGE" in there, but yes, that is what I have learned.  He is no ordinary cantaloupe ... he is a LARGE cantaloupe.  He is around 19-22in long and about 5.5lbs! At this point he is just working on getting fatter and fatter ... just like his mummy!!!

How far along? 34 Weeks, 5 Days

Countdown: 5 Weeks, 2 Days (or, 37 days!!!)

Total weight gain: 36lbs as of our last appointment.  Our next appointment is on Monday ... then we start going once a week!  I'm not looking forward to the scale on Monday ....
Maternity clothes? yup!  still managing to find a few non-maternity outfits here and there in my closet, but mostly in maternity clothes.
Stretch marks? No, thank god. How this is possible, I do not know, but I am going to whisper when I say 'stretch marks' now in order to not wake them ...

Sleep: Sleeping okay. My shoulders get cramped from sleeping on my side, though.
Best moment this week: Enjoying the LONG WEEKEND and catching up on some rest.  Dave painted more in the nursery, and WE GOT OUR CHANGING TABLE IN! It was supposed to be 8-12 weeks out, but came in after ONE WEEK! It is beautiful!
Miss Anything? yes ... my old clothes, my old body, my old athletic ability, my old workout regime, my old drinking habits ;)
Movement: Yes!!! lots! He is constantly pushing and stretching out!

Food Cravings: hmmm ... nothing really in the last couple of weeks, but I am constantly hungry ... even when I'm full.
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope!
Gender: BOY!

Labor Signs: Nope!

Symptoms: swollen feet! But only on my right foot!  And my fingers have started to swell, too.  Other than that, I am continuing to lose my breath.
Isabelly Button, In or Out? She's still mostly in ... but despite my yelling at her, she continues to work her way out.  She's just not a full outtie yet, thank god!
Wedding rings on or off? very unfortunately off.  Still don't have that replacement bling yet, but I'm going to look for one this week.
Happy or Moody most of the time: happy! Excited to meet this little creature!

Looking forward to: LISA LU AND ANDREW'S WEDDING THIS WEEKEND!  Our two best friends are getting MARRIED!  I am so freaking excited for this ... I can't wait to swing this belly all around the dance floor! Look out, bumper bellies!!!