31 Weeks - Indecent Exposure

Hi all,

     Throughout this pregnancy journey, I have used this blog to share with you our experiences along the way.  While most of my posts here revolve around the crazy and funny things that have happened, I feel as though we have grown closer.  By "we" ... I mean, you, and I.  I have shared some fairly personal things here, and I would like to take this opportunity to warn you that things are about to get even a bit more personal with this week's post.

It's no surprise that there are some crappy symptoms that come along with pregnancy.  I've been lucky to miss out on some of the worst so far (morning sickness, hemorrhoids, and my favorite, LEAKY BOOBS), but I have had to learn to deal with this transforming body, exhaustion, and I'm pretty sure I notice a path engraved into the carpet at work connecting my office with the bathroom.  

Along with these annoying, and sometimes painful symptoms, there are a few not-so-bad symptoms.  My nails are looking GREAT, and feeling those kicks and swirls in my tummy makes me LAUGH!  One of the other symptoms/side-effects that I'm not so upset to have to deal with, however, is the new addition of ... ahem ... my ... errr ... uhhh ... well ... my girls.  Yeap ... my ... upper-half.  I am pretty much the only girl in my family to have missed out on these ample genetical *gems*, but NOW ... they have appeared with a vengeance like I've never seen before.  It's like they have decided to make up for lost years of womanhood in an attempt to make every outfit I have look 100% better (well, from the sternum up, anyway).  

I have always had a modest 'landscape' consisting of two very humble mole hills, so to speak.  Nothing to write home about, for sure.  I never really cared, because they were at least something, and, frankly, they didn't get in the way of my sports, and they never hurt or caused any problems for me.  But ... now I am finding that I have to be on constant alert, and I have had to adjust to these new 'growing pains'.  I'm not used to having to worry about covering anything up! Now, I am finding that I have to constantly do a 'booby check' to make sure that I am at least socially acceptable, and more importantly, work appropriate.  I definitely don't want to be THAT GIRL.  Ahem, eyes up here, buddy.

Anyway, this past Sunday night, we visited our sweet niece, Hannah, and on the way home, our car miraculously ended up in the Kimball's parking lot.  I'm not quite sure how that happened, but since we were there, I felt compelled to get an ice cream ;) Dave and I began enjoying our chocolate sprinkled, mint chocolate chip ice creamy libations as we relaxed into the summer breeze.  All of a sudden, I felt this little ... trickle of sorts, between my two new "friends".  At first, I didn't think anything of it.  I figured it was a stray hair that I had shed, and to be honest, I was WAYYYY more interested in my ice cream to be bothered.  

But then, things got weird ...

I started to notice that this "hair" kept bothering me.  My next thought, of course, was that I must have dropped a precious chocolate sprinkle down my shirt.  So, in an effort to salvage this 'fallen soldier', I took a quick glance down, but I couldn't see anything.  So, with a heavy heart, I put down my ice cream cup and examined my "canal" to see where this mischievous sprinkle may have migrated off to.  Of course, I can't see under these friends, so I have to reach in my shirt, being very careful with how I 'grab-and-shift' so that I don't give anything away to the innocent people passing by.  

All of a sudden, I notice that this is no sprinkle.  This is an EVIL, perverted bug that went straight for the girls and ended up in the middle, stuck in my top.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I am NOT OK with bugs.  This, coming from the girl who used to keep a terrarium filled with ticks and ladybugs and anything I could get my hands on.  Something must have happened in my childhood with bugs that I have shoved into the deepest, darkest recesses of my memory, never to be thought of again.  I HATE BUGS. 

So, once I realized that I had a 'bug touching skin' situation going on, I completely freaked.  I didn't want to scream because there were people around, so I just looked at Dave and said, "Oh my god ... it's a bug!!!!".  I started 'scooping' into my cleavage the best I could, but my "friends" were too squished in there that the scooping was not working.  The spastic motion caused this bug to slide under, and to the side so that I could no longer see it.  At this point, I am in FULL PANIC MODE.  This bug is obviously more than a pervert ... it has now become a baby eating insect, as far as I am concerned, and I needed to do anything in my power to save my baby from the searing teeth of this flying pest!

The next thing I know, I completely forgot the rules of civility and I am practically undressing my top half in front of all of the kiddies in the Kimball's parking lot.  When my public display of nudism uncovered just about everything EXCEPT the killer bug, I knew I had to take this fight to the next level.

I had to empty from underneath.  So, up goes the shirt as I feverishly try to 'scoop' from the underside.  No thinking was occurring at this time.  It never occurred to me that, not only had I already exposed my new 'jewels' for all to see, but now my HUGE PREGNANT BELLY was eye-balling everyone in eyesight! I am now beginning to sweat as I try to turn to hide my belly, but there is no place to hide it.  People are walking by and seeing both my belly, and an occasional peep show from up top.  

Mind you ... I look over at Dave and he is staring at me with a smirk on his face, happily spooning ice cream into his mouth and LAUGHING at me.  

Angels were looking down on me ... by the grace of God, I won this fight and was eventually able to get the bug out of my shirt.  It is a miracle I didn't get arrested for indecent exposure.  There was a family with a few older kids that walked by and laughed after they passed, but oh well, I guess I deserved that!

As for Bob ... he's doing fine.  The bug did not get a chance to burrow through my belly button and into the amniotic sac in an effort to eat his brain.  Thankfully!!!  This week, Bob is approximately the size of a pineapple!!! He is almost 4 pounds now, and somewhere between 15-19 inches long!

 

How far along? 31 Weeks, 5 Days

Countdown: 8 Weeks, 2 Days (or, 58 days!!!)

Total weight gain: 31 lbs as of my appointment yesterday.  Yes, that would be 9lbs since my last doctors visit a month ago. 9LBS IN A MONTH!  I would jump off of a bridge right now, but I'd probably end up floating down stream and that's just more work than its worth.
Maternity clothes? Nothing new ... still a combo of both maternity and non-maternity clothes.
Stretch marks? nope, but I did have to buy my next bottle of stretch mark cream!!!

Sleep: sleeping alright, but still getting up a few times to run to the bathroom.  I am tired today, however.
Best moment this week: Having a well-attended open house on Sunday!  Also, hearing my niece, Hannah, say "BOB!" over and over again.  Cutest thing ever! Hah!!!
Miss Anything? yes, WINE ... but I'm missing everything, lately ... especially being able to stand up straight.

Movement: Yes!!! lots!  At my appointment, the doctor felt my stomach and said that he is in the head-down position.  Though this could still change, it's nice knowing where he is.  I'm pretty sure the bump I keep feeling pushing out is his bum :)
Food Cravings: blueberry muffins this week.  Toasted ... with butter ;)
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope!
Gender: BOY!

Labor Signs: Nope!

Symptoms: having trouble with deep breaths, and exhaustion is more frequent lately.
Isabelly Button, In or Out? Isabelly is still mostly flat ... but I've noticed a little pokeage when I try to get up from the couch/bed. Seems when I initiate my stomach muscles, it migrates out a bit! Uh Oh ... it's only a matter of time.  aughhhhh....
Wedding rings on or off? on, but it is getting harder to get them on and off. I'm not sure if it is the weather, or the pregnancy.

Happy or Moody most of the time: happy, but feeling stress as I get further along. Not knowing where we will be living makes me a little nervous, but excited!

Looking forward to: Saturday we are taking a birthing class.  I think I'm looking forward to this ;)